YOUR OVERTHINKING ISN'T A CHARACTER FLAW

It's a part trying to keep you safe

By Bethany Russell, MA, LPC

I need to tell you something that might surprise you.

Your overthinking isn't a character flaw. It's not a sign that you're neurotic or broken or doing life wrong.

It's a part of you that learned somewhere along the way that if you could just think through every possible scenario, you could prevent bad things from happening.

And honestly? It probably worked for a while.

THE OVERTHINKER'S DILEMMA

You replay conversations word by word. You analyze every text message for hidden meaning. You lie in bed running through tomorrow's presentation seventeen different ways.

People tell you to "just stop overthinking." As if you haven't tried that. As if you chose to have your brain spiral through worst-case scenarios at 2am.

Here's what they don't understand: your overthinking part isn't just being difficult. It's trying to protect you.

Maybe it learned that if you could anticipate problems, you could fix them before they happened. Maybe it figured out that thinking through every angle meant fewer surprises, less criticism, more control.

The problem is, this part is exhausted. And so are you.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED ABOUT OVERTHINKERS

Most of the people I work with are incredibly thoughtful, intelligent, analytical humans. Their minds are one of their greatest assets—until their minds start working against them.

The thing about chronic overthinkers is that underneath all that mental spinning, there's usually a part that's terrified of making the wrong choice, saying the wrong thing, or being caught off guard.

This part learned early that thinking harder meant staying safer.

But now it's running your life. You can't make decisions without analyzing them to death. You can't enjoy good moments because you're already planning how to handle potential problems. You can't trust your gut because your thinking part is so loud.

WHY "JUST STOP OVERTHINKING" DOESN'T WORK

When someone tells you to stop overthinking, it's like telling your security guard to take a permanent vacation without hiring a replacement.

Your overthinking part doesn't trust that you'll be okay without it. It's been on duty for so long, it doesn't know how to clock out.

Traditional therapy often tries to give you tools to manage the overthinking—meditation, thought stopping, cognitive restructuring. And those can help. But they don't address why your overthinking part is working so hard in the first place.

A DIFFERENT APPROACH

In IFS therapy, we don't try to eliminate your overthinking part. We get curious about it.

What is it trying to protect you from? When did it first learn that thinking harder meant staying safer? What would it need to feel okay about relaxing its grip?

When your overthinking part feels understood instead of criticized, something shifts. It doesn't have to work so hard because it knows you're aware of what it's trying to do.

You start to notice when it's activated. You can thank it for trying to keep you safe, then choose to respond from your calm, centered Self instead.

WHAT CHANGES

My clients who do this work don't become careless or impulsive. They become more discerning.

They can think through important decisions without spiraling into analysis paralysis. They can enjoy good moments without immediately jumping to what could go wrong. They start trusting their intuition because the mental noise quiets down.

One client told me, "I still think things through, but now it feels like I'm driving the car instead of being dragged behind it."

IF THIS IS LANDING

If you're reading this and thinking "fuck, this is exactly me," you're not alone. And you're not broken.

Your overthinking part developed for good reasons. It's been trying to keep you safe, prevent mistakes, avoid criticism, maintain control.

But you don't have to live at the mercy of your thoughts.

Maybe it's time to get curious about what your overthinking part is actually trying to do for you.

Try this: Next time you notice yourself spiraling, pause and ask your overthinking part:

What are you trying to protect me from right now?

What do you need me to know?

What would help you feel safer?

Don't expect it to immediately trust you or step back. Your overthinking part has probably been running the show for years because it learned that thinking through every scenario was the only way to stay safe.

Building a relationship with this part takes time. It needs to see evidence that you can handle things without it spinning into overdrive. Start small - maybe just noticing when it's activated and appreciating what it's trying to do, rather than fighting it.

When you approach your overthinking part with curiosity instead of criticism, something shifts. Instead of "Why can't I stop thinking about this?" try "What is this part worried about?" Instead of "I need to stop overthinking," try "What does this part need to feel safer?"

The goal isn't to eliminate your thoughtful, analytical nature. It's to help your overthinking part trust that your Self can lead without it having to work so damn hard all the time. And that trust? It builds slowly, one conscious choice at a time.